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[Mar. 1st, 2005|09:42 am] |
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I have come to the decision that I am going to stop writing in this journal. Most of the entries were made during my sophmore year, which was not a good year for me. I considered deleting this journal, but decided I should keep it as a reminder of mistakes I've made, and how those mistakes affected me, so I hopefully won't make them again. I may at one time delete this thing completely. I may start a new journal, a fresh start if you will, but I will never have a public journal again. |
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[Jan. 24th, 2005|08:20 am] |
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I wish I didn't like animals, or that I didn't have a heart. I was trying to help one stray cat. I gave it food and water. After a few days, I brought it a blanket. The next day I discovered the food and water dishes and blanket had been thrown away. I was quite upset. I was just trying to help one poor animal. Then for one night, another cat came, and I fed it too. Then last night I saw two more strays- one in tina's parking lot, one in mine. And then this morning. Outside the door is a very thin, small black cat. It has eyes like Riku and even a little white patch. As soon as I opened the door it started crying loudly. I closed the door, but it continued. It was like it had heard the cats got fed from this place. I had to go get my book from the car, and it followed my down the stairs, crying and rolling around to show off. I didn't touch it and I quickly came back inside. No sooner did I get inside than I started sobbing. I can't take care of every cat that comes along. I want to feed it, but I can't have it coming over to Tina's front door. I can't feed every cat. And it breaks my heart to see them out there in below-freezing temperatures, thin and hungry with a coat that isn't very warm-looking and crying and looking at me to help them. I can't stop crying. |
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[Jan. 17th, 2005|07:52 am] |
Yo.
It's monday, and school starts tomorrow. I don't want to go back and am avoiding even thinking about it, although I do have to change my schedule later.
There is a stray kitty that lives around Tina's apartment complex. Last night we found it in the laundry room keeping warm. We left and returned with water, canned food and dry food. It gorged itself on the canned, then about half the dry. It's a very friendly cat and it climbed into Tina's lap after it finished eating. It's stomach was engorged with food. It clearly had not had a good meal in some time and it is too thin. My mom is concerned that it might have feline leukemia, saying eating a lot is a symptom, but since it was so thin, it could have just been extreme hunger. I went back this morning, but the cat was gone. The food was all gone so I left a little bit. If I see it tonight, i'll let it back in the laundry room. Does anyone want a kitty? I don't want it to be outside in this cold weather. I can't take it in, and Tina can't take it in. We don't know anything about it except it's kind of small and friendly. I think it's female, but i'm just guessing. Anyone interested, let me know and i'll take a picture and e-mail it.
It seems my other grandmother, my mom's mother, is sick. Those are all the details I know. |
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[Dec. 12th, 2004|10:21 am] |
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| |  distressed | ] |
I woke up about a half-dozen times last night or more. I had many dreams, and the last three or so that I can remember were bad and one of them is leaving me feeling tramatized. Don't want to talk about them in detail right now thought. |
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| Good news!!! |
[Dec. 1st, 2004|09:55 pm] |
I've found a really nice place to live for the spring. I didn't tell her i'm a lesbian and I have no intention of doing so any time soon. She had an ad is sidelines, but I also found an ad of hers online on a website where she preferred straight female roomates and gay or straight male roommates. I might come out once she knows me better. I get a copy of the lease tomorrow or friday. Oh yeah..she has a kitty and a 'pet' stray kitty.
In other news, my grandmother is off the ventilator. That's fabulous news, because as my dad said 'she saw it as a death sentence. She's able to eat for the first time in over a week and she's more aware now. I don't know if she's still sedated or not, but she would at least have to be less sedated if she's more aware. |
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[Nov. 26th, 2004|06:47 pm] |
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| |  optimistic | ] |
It looks like my grandmother will make it. She's doing better. She's still on the ventilator. That's been the toughest part for her. See, she was a nurse for many years, and she sees a respirator as a death sentence, because once they go in, they rarely came out. She kept trying to pull it out so they restrained her arms. She's lightly sedated all the time to keep her comfortable, but is aware sometimes. All she can really do is nod, but she can still make facial expressions, and mouths 'I love you' often. We know she can understand us for sure when mom was saying she wasn't sure the tomatoes would grow and my grandma gave a shrug that made us all laugh, she also made exaggerated facial movements when my dad said we'd clean the house if she baked at christmas, and she'd hold us to that, wouldn't she? Big laugh from us all when she lifted her eyebrows and gave a big nod. No visting time goes on without someone going to see her, except maybe early in the morning. Her progress is slow, but she's stable and they're weaning her off her medications slowly. It will take a long time for her to recover completely, but everything looks good, and since we've been here there have only been improvements.
There has been lots of drama in the family. But I will share more later.
Enjoy your breaks everyone! |
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| The memory is an amazing thing |
[Nov. 3rd, 2004|08:03 pm] |
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| |  amused | ] |
Tiny Toons is on and I was surprised to discover I still knew about half the lyrics to the opening song. |
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[Oct. 27th, 2004|08:33 am] |
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| |  apathetic | ] |
Some days, I just don't really give a damn about anything. |
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[Oct. 13th, 2004|01:21 pm] |
I didn't sleep well last night. I kept having nightmares and waking up. At some point, in one of the nightmares, the kittens had turned into bugs so that as soon as I woke up, I picked up Kairi and put her at the foot of the bed. I was also awakened by the kittens several times. They were unusually active last night and I woke to them on my pillow, climbing over my head, walking on me, etc.
I felt awful this morning when I woke up.
I started crying last night about Snickers. It had been a long time since I'd cried for him.
I have a Business Law mid-term that i'm not studying for, and don't plan to. I don't want to study the answers to 290 questions. I'll just hope it goes well. |
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[Sep. 3rd, 2004|08:38 pm] |
I accidently elbowed Kairi's head last night when I briefly woke up. She was a little stunned I think, and shook her head.
Elgin e-mailed me! He found my mtsu account and sent a message asking if we could hang out. I intend to e-mail him and tell him why I stopped hanging out with him-now that he no longer knows where I live. |
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[Aug. 11th, 2004|02:01 am] |
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The people are made out of turkey! |
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[Jun. 30th, 2004|03:48 pm] |
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I had a dream a few nights ago. Part of it, was just a usual weird dream. The other half, I guess was too, but it's left me kind upset since. Basically, someone was willing to let me please them sexually(though there was a sexual act in the dream, I would not consider it a sexual dream, since it felt mechanical, not pleasurable), but was completely disgusted with the idea of reciprocation. They were completely repulsed by me, physically. I know it was just a dream, but I can't forget how hurt I felt. |
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[May. 21st, 2004|12:58 pm] |
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I'm calmer at the moment. When I first discovered his paw was swollen, I was freaking out; crying and saying 'I can't lose another [pet]. But he's acting more or less like himself, though I doubt he'll learn to leave bugs alone after this. |
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[May. 14th, 2004|01:39 pm] |
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Being sick is a pain-in-the-ass. Being surprisingly healthy for the past couple years except for allergies. Fuck. I think my computer is infected with the worm thingy, cause it's about to shut down. |
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[Apr. 30th, 2004|02:36 am] |
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There's no logical explaination for what is making me sick. |
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[Mar. 31st, 2004|06:16 pm] |
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I've had it with livejournal and all the shit that's happened because of it. I'll still check my friends list sometimes, but I won't be writing here again until I have something good to talk about. |
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[Mar. 19th, 2004|04:41 pm] |
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[Mar. 19th, 2004|04:10 pm] |
It's a fucking beautiful day today.
I've had about 14 hours of sleep this week, give or take. I may have possibly had more at night than I think I did, but I can remember checking the time on my alarm clock at least once every hour, every night.
There's just so much about the past two years I wish I could do over.
Sometimes, I just need to put on a happy face, even if I don't feel it. |
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[Mar. 18th, 2004|09:58 pm] |
My 'sleep debt' must be quite large by now.
I actually quite desire to go home tomorrow. My dad won't be gone until Monday, so I guess i'll wait until then. It depends if I get too lonely here or not.
I really wish my mom had all week off, so I could spend time with her. I want to do stuff with her besides go clothes shopping, and she only has Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays off, and my dad will probably be home on Thursday night or Friday. At least i'll get to hang out with Christine some. |
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[Mar. 17th, 2004|06:28 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
Why do they permit you to hide your 'friends-of' list, but not your 'friends' list? |
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theladymorgaine's journal